I cancelled my yoga class this afternoon. I am tired and a bit sore. It is frustrating. Healing is a strange beast.
Yesterday I woke up feeling great. Not exactly "my old self" but certainly up and ready to go. I made a showing at my usual Saturday morning yoga class, knowing I would have to modify many of the poses, but between being a Physical Therapist and being 2/3 done with my yoga teacher training, I figured I better know how to modify the poses. And I did. I realized about an hour into the class how tough I was being on my surgically altered body, so I spent the last half hour being careful to conserve my energy and drink some extra water. I could feel the swelling move into my chest, but I found it to be healing rather than alarming. I thought, "My blood is flowing! My damaged cells are being flushed out of the area, new cells are forming and scar tissue is being molded into straight bands, not jumbled knots of tightness!"
All of this is true. What is also true is my need to take an entire day off after doing one day of exercise. I have tried walks, outings with the kids, and now yoga. If I am out and about for any length of time, I then need the next day to recover After a day of full rest, I am ready to go again. So today is a day of rest.
The funny thing is, I KNOW this! For years, I have been telling my PT patients how healing is not linear; there are good days and not-so-good days, and as healing occurs, the good days begin to outnumber the not-so-good days, until finally you find yourself back doing the things you love. Setbacks happen ALL OF THE TIME, and TO EVERYONE! I also realize how frustrating it is to just sit and rest when sitting and resting isn't in your nature.
So breathe. That is all we can do when the path before us looks different from the one we thought we were heading out upon. This is MY path, and your path is YOUR OWN path. Own it, love it, embrace it, rest on it, run on it, scream on it and enjoy every tiny footstep on it, even the hard ones and the steps you would rather not take. Today I will breathe, rest, hydrate, sit in my sunroom and enjoy the sunshine. Tomorrow, well, you know the Robert Frost poem I am thinking of.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Why Am I So Happy?
Really? I can't understand myself. I should be having a bad week. I had surgery to remove both of my breasts, I hurt and I am uncomfortable. My yoga love, Anusara, has blown up and disintegrated before my eyes. All of my teachers have left Anusara, and my upcoming teacher training is on shaky grounds. My teachers, Todd Norian and Ann Greene, have both resigned their Anusara licenses. I completely understand, it is just going to be strange to go to an Anusara Teacher Training when no one is signed on to be a certified teacher anymore.
But I am in a surprisingly good mood. The breast cancer stuff is a no brainer. The pathology reports came back yesterday, and I am good to go, no invasive cancer found, treatment is done. I am able to make plans again! I had been fairly concerned about the need for chemotherapy, to have it off the table is a huge relief.
Am I sad or angry about removing my left breast now that I know it did not have any cancer cells? No. I am excited to be done with this surgery. It has not been a pleasant experience. But to be able to choose surgery, and to heal at a time when I feel very healthy and strong, is important to me. I no longer have to wonder when/if breast cancer will reoccur and interrupt my active life. No more biopsies and mammograms. I have been aggressive, but not without good cause. I thought long and hard about how I would feel waking up with one breast removed and the other intact, and the feeling was not one I felt confident living with. I now feel very confident. And symmetrical. And flat.
I still have drains in both breasts (former breasts?). The drains are not painful, but I have an awareness of them. I believe they limit my activity and I am beginning to suspect my doctor is leaving them in here to keep me confined longer. It's a conspiracy to keep my home and under control!! It is true, without them I would probably be doing more than I should. As it is now, I look a bit like a robot all hooked up to lifelines. It's a pain in the ass. I can't wait to sleep on my stomach. My wardrobe is limited right now as well. I have big long tubes to hide.
My family and my friends are absolutely amazing. I have been so well taken care of. And so many people have prayed for me. I am not a prayer person, not religious in any sort of way anyone defines, but I do believe in positive thinking, the flow of good energy, and the power of intention. I have felt comforted at unexpected times, and I have felt supported and not alone in the slightest. I have not gone through this alone. I have had so many people right here with me. How could I not feel good?
The kids. The boys have had an interesting week. Being home with me while I haven't been myself has at times been challenging for them. They have matured this week. I would have been so lonely without them here. I had hugs from them constantly. They carried things for me and talked on the phone when people called. I have had my hair brushed and my ice packs delivered then returned to the freezer. They have kept me in check, making sure I am not doing too much, but letting me know when they needed me to be mom and step it up a bit. My mom has been here running them around to all of their usual activities, and my dear husband stayed home almost all week. Today he may stay at work the entire day, we will see.....he may need to come home and check in on me early once again.
I am blissed out. I have so much to do and enjoy. This crazy life is full of contrasts, highs and lows, the beautiful moments next to moments of despair. It is all here to be experienced and fully felt. I can only feel this much joy, because not long ago I felt this much fear. The pendulum swing is amazing.
Thank you for being here with me this week. I honor you and send you my love. I hold you in my heart, and hope to bring you joy.
Andrea
But I am in a surprisingly good mood. The breast cancer stuff is a no brainer. The pathology reports came back yesterday, and I am good to go, no invasive cancer found, treatment is done. I am able to make plans again! I had been fairly concerned about the need for chemotherapy, to have it off the table is a huge relief.
Am I sad or angry about removing my left breast now that I know it did not have any cancer cells? No. I am excited to be done with this surgery. It has not been a pleasant experience. But to be able to choose surgery, and to heal at a time when I feel very healthy and strong, is important to me. I no longer have to wonder when/if breast cancer will reoccur and interrupt my active life. No more biopsies and mammograms. I have been aggressive, but not without good cause. I thought long and hard about how I would feel waking up with one breast removed and the other intact, and the feeling was not one I felt confident living with. I now feel very confident. And symmetrical. And flat.
I still have drains in both breasts (former breasts?). The drains are not painful, but I have an awareness of them. I believe they limit my activity and I am beginning to suspect my doctor is leaving them in here to keep me confined longer. It's a conspiracy to keep my home and under control!! It is true, without them I would probably be doing more than I should. As it is now, I look a bit like a robot all hooked up to lifelines. It's a pain in the ass. I can't wait to sleep on my stomach. My wardrobe is limited right now as well. I have big long tubes to hide.
My family and my friends are absolutely amazing. I have been so well taken care of. And so many people have prayed for me. I am not a prayer person, not religious in any sort of way anyone defines, but I do believe in positive thinking, the flow of good energy, and the power of intention. I have felt comforted at unexpected times, and I have felt supported and not alone in the slightest. I have not gone through this alone. I have had so many people right here with me. How could I not feel good?
The kids. The boys have had an interesting week. Being home with me while I haven't been myself has at times been challenging for them. They have matured this week. I would have been so lonely without them here. I had hugs from them constantly. They carried things for me and talked on the phone when people called. I have had my hair brushed and my ice packs delivered then returned to the freezer. They have kept me in check, making sure I am not doing too much, but letting me know when they needed me to be mom and step it up a bit. My mom has been here running them around to all of their usual activities, and my dear husband stayed home almost all week. Today he may stay at work the entire day, we will see.....he may need to come home and check in on me early once again.
I am blissed out. I have so much to do and enjoy. This crazy life is full of contrasts, highs and lows, the beautiful moments next to moments of despair. It is all here to be experienced and fully felt. I can only feel this much joy, because not long ago I felt this much fear. The pendulum swing is amazing.
Thank you for being here with me this week. I honor you and send you my love. I hold you in my heart, and hope to bring you joy.
Andrea
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Home
My surgery on Monday went well. I checked in bright and early, 5:45 am. Everything went smoothly from what I could tell, and at 1:45pm, I headed home, bandaged and bundled.
My family and friends have taken care of all my needs, from lunches to dinners and especially desserts. My dog is even getting a vacation from us, getting some much needed attention and exercise with my sister and her husband.
My mealtrain is up and running, I just need to keep track of who brought what in what dish. So much yummy food coming in.
I could share details, but not today. I am just happy to be home, loved and headed to bed.
My family and friends have taken care of all my needs, from lunches to dinners and especially desserts. My dog is even getting a vacation from us, getting some much needed attention and exercise with my sister and her husband.
My mealtrain is up and running, I just need to keep track of who brought what in what dish. So much yummy food coming in.
I could share details, but not today. I am just happy to be home, loved and headed to bed.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
A Double Mastectomy
How do I part with both of my breasts? How does it make any sense at all, the cutting off of two beloved, former baby-comforting, perhaps slightly sexy parts of my female anatomy? How will my clothes fit? Will I cry when I look in the mirror and see my new and less curvy upper torso? When I gaze down in the shower, what will I see? Not the roundness of two rather small breasts, but perhaps protruding ribs formerly unnoticed? A tummy marked by the stretching of childbirth? Unwanted scars?
Will my yoga poses feel the same, when I open my chest to the sky and open my heart? When I take long walks, will my awareness wander to my empty chest and mourn the lack of slight movement? Will I comfort myself by wearing a small sports bra to keep the familiar snug feeling around my upper body?
Or will I smile? Will I feel light with the lack of fear of tiny cancer cells multiplying maliciously beneath my skin? Will I experience the freedom of wearing a T-shirt without a bra and run around unhindered? Will I embrace the flat look of my chest, knowing my clothes look different, but not worse.
Will I always be able to embrace my body with love and reverence, for my body is part of me, but it is not me. Will I find a way to feel comforted by my new figure, see it as a reflection of self-care and determination, just as I admire a newly tightened muscle I have worked hard to develop?
I will not do this with anger, but with love and intention. I will mourn, but I will celebrate. I will share, and I will push some limits. I will say YES to my ever-changing life. My new sexy is waiting, unique and undefined.
Will my yoga poses feel the same, when I open my chest to the sky and open my heart? When I take long walks, will my awareness wander to my empty chest and mourn the lack of slight movement? Will I comfort myself by wearing a small sports bra to keep the familiar snug feeling around my upper body?
Or will I smile? Will I feel light with the lack of fear of tiny cancer cells multiplying maliciously beneath my skin? Will I experience the freedom of wearing a T-shirt without a bra and run around unhindered? Will I embrace the flat look of my chest, knowing my clothes look different, but not worse.
Will I always be able to embrace my body with love and reverence, for my body is part of me, but it is not me. Will I find a way to feel comforted by my new figure, see it as a reflection of self-care and determination, just as I admire a newly tightened muscle I have worked hard to develop?
I will not do this with anger, but with love and intention. I will mourn, but I will celebrate. I will share, and I will push some limits. I will say YES to my ever-changing life. My new sexy is waiting, unique and undefined.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Dancing With Breast Cancer
Breast cancer as a chronic disease, my new perspective. There is no cure, there is no war, there is nothing sexy about it. Just as I was facing my second breast cancer diagnosis two weeks ago, the Susan G. Komen foundation decided to drop the ball and implode. Maybe the foundation has breast cancer. It works like that. You seem healthy, everything is moving along as it should, and suddenly, it all falls apart.
Here I am. 43 years along on the path of my life, with diagnosis number two. Same breast, different treatment. I go in for a mastectomy Monday morning. I am recovering from the biopsies, mammograms and Ultrasounds I have had over the past few weeks. I have a team, a plan and a great support system. All is good with me.
Except the distractions. As I said, the Susan G. Komen foundation has faltered, and I am saddened by this. I first ran in a 5K Race for the Cure when I was in my early twenties, honoring my mother, who had gone through the ravages of breast cancer treatment when I was 14. I was proud to be doing something "for the cure". But over time, and with my eventual diagnosis at age 36, I started to loath the pink ribbon and the crap it was printed on. I often wondered how on earth money from a pair of pink socks ever made it to the foundation? It probably didn't.
I am glad to see the powerful voices of reasonable women challenged this idiotic move and all appears to be restored (the money that is), but not resolved. You won't see me wearing a pink ribbon. Please don't send me any. I know I will get some, and the giver will be forgiven for not understanding, but may it not be you.
I have much more to say, and I am ready to begin the process of sharing. It took a few weeks. I have been recording my journey in a private diary this time, as a recurrence is something different than a first diagnosis. I am making peace with the journey I know is before me. The first time around, I had some hope of having overcome breast cancer. I now know better. I am in this for life.
My message to you, my dear friends and family, is this: find a doctor you love, get your annual mammograms, get intimate with your breasts and do your self-exam, and when something changes, don't stop gathering information until you are satisfied with the results.
Here I am. 43 years along on the path of my life, with diagnosis number two. Same breast, different treatment. I go in for a mastectomy Monday morning. I am recovering from the biopsies, mammograms and Ultrasounds I have had over the past few weeks. I have a team, a plan and a great support system. All is good with me.
Except the distractions. As I said, the Susan G. Komen foundation has faltered, and I am saddened by this. I first ran in a 5K Race for the Cure when I was in my early twenties, honoring my mother, who had gone through the ravages of breast cancer treatment when I was 14. I was proud to be doing something "for the cure". But over time, and with my eventual diagnosis at age 36, I started to loath the pink ribbon and the crap it was printed on. I often wondered how on earth money from a pair of pink socks ever made it to the foundation? It probably didn't.
I am glad to see the powerful voices of reasonable women challenged this idiotic move and all appears to be restored (the money that is), but not resolved. You won't see me wearing a pink ribbon. Please don't send me any. I know I will get some, and the giver will be forgiven for not understanding, but may it not be you.
I have much more to say, and I am ready to begin the process of sharing. It took a few weeks. I have been recording my journey in a private diary this time, as a recurrence is something different than a first diagnosis. I am making peace with the journey I know is before me. The first time around, I had some hope of having overcome breast cancer. I now know better. I am in this for life.
My message to you, my dear friends and family, is this: find a doctor you love, get your annual mammograms, get intimate with your breasts and do your self-exam, and when something changes, don't stop gathering information until you are satisfied with the results.
Telling it like it is:
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Drummer Happy
For the past three winters I have helped coordinate a co-op. It is always with the consent of the kids who live with me; they help me write out the description of what the co-op will include. We then send out an invitation to everyone in our local homeschooling area and see who wants to share their passions with us.
I wasn't sure they would want to do it this year. The older one is pretty set in his schedule and his friends. He plays online games, his Xbox, goes to gymnastics and ice hockey. The younger one is more social and is craving more friend time. I thought maybe I would be creating it just for him.
But they both decided it was worth setting up. As we discussed the possibility, we went over some of the past presentations and concluded that each year we have had interesting experiences. We have learned things from people who are interested and interesting!
Yesterday, a mom who is brand new to the co-op, did a FANTASTIC music presentation. She had rhythm sticks, triangles, rain sticks and drums!
The group of 16 kids (newborn to 13), made some very loud and lovely music. And at the end of the jam session, she told my youngest that he could take the drum home, as he was so intensely focused on playing it while we were there!
Today we are going to check out some YouTube videos and see what we can find there. I will pull out the keyboard and the electric guitars, maybe invite some friends over and see if we can get some music in this house.
This is why I make the effort. Don't wait for someone else to do something you think might be a good idea. Just make it happen. I read a quote somewhere yesterday that stated "Be the person you want to meet". I love that. I have no idea who to give credit for that precious nugget. It is a good one.
Be curious. Be open. Be present. And then, you will be happy.
I wasn't sure they would want to do it this year. The older one is pretty set in his schedule and his friends. He plays online games, his Xbox, goes to gymnastics and ice hockey. The younger one is more social and is craving more friend time. I thought maybe I would be creating it just for him.
But they both decided it was worth setting up. As we discussed the possibility, we went over some of the past presentations and concluded that each year we have had interesting experiences. We have learned things from people who are interested and interesting!
Here he is at home, enjoying a little late afternoon sun and drumming it up for us!
 |
| Enjoying a moment with the drum. |
This is why I make the effort. Don't wait for someone else to do something you think might be a good idea. Just make it happen. I read a quote somewhere yesterday that stated "Be the person you want to meet". I love that. I have no idea who to give credit for that precious nugget. It is a good one.
Be curious. Be open. Be present. And then, you will be happy.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Yoga At My House
I bought new mats, blocks and blankets!
I am progressing on my journey toward becoming a yoga teacher. I have been teaching a small group of friends and neighbors each week, trying out my yoga voice and preparing the space. The first few weeks I borrowed mats and blocks from my own generous yoga teacher, but this week the props I ordered arrived, and we practiced on the new goods.
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| My living room a.k.a. my yoga studio. |
We had an excellent class, although a bit of a slippery one. My brand new mats had some sort of film over them which became slick with the teeniest amount of sweat. I have now washed them all down and they are good to go for next week.
During class, we focused on getting our side bodies long (from the top of the hip bones to the hollow of the armpit, long, expanded and full), and we also focused on Attitude. Attitude is the inner state of mind that compliments the outer body being present. Attitude allows us to tap into our inner strength, and brings us deeper into a pose, and more willing to be present in the moment. I believe attitude allows yoga to be more than just an exercise class. It is why we come back, again and again, going deeper, connecting to ourselves in ways that are difficult and rewarding. When we come to class open to our own potential, rather than with a plan for how it should go, we often find that we are stronger, more steady, and more calm than we thought possible.
What is your attitude?
Can you stop resisting what is and allow yourself to be present today,
whether it was on your agenda or not?
Friday, December 30, 2011
The Doctor!
December was a busy month, and I have many things to share, but one event that deserves its
OWN SPECIAL POST
is my little sister's graduation!
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| Step-Dad, my Mom, Baby Sis, Sister Doctor, Bro-in-law, Me |
She's a DOCTOR now!
 |
| So proud to share the day, all smiles! |
And because this is an unschooling blog about me and my unschooled kids, it should be noted that my sis just got her Ed.D., that is, a doctorate in EDUCATION!!!!! Higher education, specifically.
And she has no worries about her two nephews getting into college someday, if they so choose. My sis had a non-traditional education, spending most of her time on ski slopes rather than in a classroom, so she completely understands how following your own passion, doing what is right for you,
works out in the long run.
Each turn opens up a new opportunity,
just give your all to the present turn (like that little ski racing analogy, wink wink).
Congratulations DOC, we love you.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Nothing New In 2012
I have a new blog! I am not abandoning this one, well at least not intentionally. But I have a new blog which I am excited about, because it has a challenge in it. Nothing New In 2012.
Can I go a year without buying anything new for myself? What sorts of challenges will this bring? How on earth do I curb my well-established need for instant-gratification? Are there ways to get stuff that I want without buying new?
Obviously I believe I can do this, or I wouldn't start. But how hard will it be? I am just starting the process, so if you would like to follow along and point out all the ways that I am cheating (like can I buy 2 pairs of new running sneakers now, before the first, so that I have them when I need them next year), stop on by and leave a comment or even join in on the adventure.
And on a last note, please do a snow dance for me.
Can I go a year without buying anything new for myself? What sorts of challenges will this bring? How on earth do I curb my well-established need for instant-gratification? Are there ways to get stuff that I want without buying new?
Obviously I believe I can do this, or I wouldn't start. But how hard will it be? I am just starting the process, so if you would like to follow along and point out all the ways that I am cheating (like can I buy 2 pairs of new running sneakers now, before the first, so that I have them when I need them next year), stop on by and leave a comment or even join in on the adventure.
And on a last note, please do a snow dance for me.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Keeping Busy
Carrot, apple, lemon juice. Be warned, if you try one you will want one every day!
Renting downhill ski equipment for the winter. We will go pick up the tuned and fitted skis tomorrow. Now we need a bit of snow.....
Today, we went to the Vermont International Festival. This was a game we hung out and played several times. There were two big die, which you threw to move forward, you then had to answer trivia questions related to history, geography, food or languages. The winner was the first to the sun at the center. I was actually amazed at how well this game was being run. All the kids who played did well.
Learning how to play GO, a Chinese game, although other cultures play it as well (I believe).
Here I am getting my very first henna tattoo! It is awesome, I am so excited:)
Life is full and balanced for me right now, except for the blog-keeping. I am just so ready to climb in bed and read each evening, rather than blog.
I am not going to let it drag me down, I will just make time for writing as I feel inspired and free to share. It is no fun to feel pressure to do something you enjoy. Be gone fun-sucking pressure!
Have a wonderful weekend.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thoughts From the Yoga Mat
I'm Teaching Yoga!
Sort of. In my living room, to my close friends. They are so kind for showing up and letting me practice on them.
I have been so nervous about getting my own yoga class going. I have such an amazing yoga teacher, and the thought of trying to do what she does has paralyzed me. Inaction. Procrastination. It had me stuck.
So about two weeks ago I had a little talk with myself. It went something like this: "You don't suck, just do it, stop being a dork". I, being insulted by my own behavior, quickly shot off an email to 5 of my friends who have been bugging me to teach them some yoga. Just to further prove what a dork I had been being, all 5 promptly responded that they would be coming to my class!
My first class consisted of 4 willing yogis rather than 5, due to a last minute cancellation, and that was just fine with me. My theme was Openness. Openness to a new practice (yoga), trying new poses, new chants (Om), and being open to all the things in life that are there for the taking. The class was 60 minutes long, and other than the fact that I needed more props, nothing went terribly wrong.
This past Sunday I taught my second class. I had one new student and 3 others who came back for a second dose. I felt a bit more relaxed and I tried a few new things, and all in all it went smoothly. I even borrowed some props until I get some of my own (they are ordered). The theme for the second class was Balance. Being that it was a few days after Thanksgiving and all of us had overindulged in something, it seemed like a good theme. We balanced excessive eating with exercise, excessive talking with some quiet mediation, excessive time giving to our families with time for replenishing ourselves. It was quite lovely.
I am planning to teach again this Sunday. I took a walk about an hour ago and thought about my theme. I have invited two additional ladies to my class this week. My living room can't really hold everyone that I have invited, but I figure not everyone can make it, and if they do, wow, what an abundant life I have!
I will let you know how it goes. Namaste.
Sort of. In my living room, to my close friends. They are so kind for showing up and letting me practice on them.
I have been so nervous about getting my own yoga class going. I have such an amazing yoga teacher, and the thought of trying to do what she does has paralyzed me. Inaction. Procrastination. It had me stuck.
So about two weeks ago I had a little talk with myself. It went something like this: "You don't suck, just do it, stop being a dork". I, being insulted by my own behavior, quickly shot off an email to 5 of my friends who have been bugging me to teach them some yoga. Just to further prove what a dork I had been being, all 5 promptly responded that they would be coming to my class!
My first class consisted of 4 willing yogis rather than 5, due to a last minute cancellation, and that was just fine with me. My theme was Openness. Openness to a new practice (yoga), trying new poses, new chants (Om), and being open to all the things in life that are there for the taking. The class was 60 minutes long, and other than the fact that I needed more props, nothing went terribly wrong.
This past Sunday I taught my second class. I had one new student and 3 others who came back for a second dose. I felt a bit more relaxed and I tried a few new things, and all in all it went smoothly. I even borrowed some props until I get some of my own (they are ordered). The theme for the second class was Balance. Being that it was a few days after Thanksgiving and all of us had overindulged in something, it seemed like a good theme. We balanced excessive eating with exercise, excessive talking with some quiet mediation, excessive time giving to our families with time for replenishing ourselves. It was quite lovely.
I am planning to teach again this Sunday. I took a walk about an hour ago and thought about my theme. I have invited two additional ladies to my class this week. My living room can't really hold everyone that I have invited, but I figure not everyone can make it, and if they do, wow, what an abundant life I have!
I will let you know how it goes. Namaste.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Unschooled Life
Life here is good. We are in the flow of our daily ongoings, with little thought about "educational opportunities" anymore. We have signed up for things that interest us, and let go of many opportunities that seem, well, not suited to us.
This fall, the boys have really started to show their own interests independent of one another. I know, who would have thought they would ever be apart? But they are, for almost all of their activities now. My older son is interested in gaming, gymnastics, theatre (well, only because his best friend is there, but he enjoys it some), reading, and did I mention gaming? He decided a few months ago that an XBox was what he wanted, so there have been many new games, new technology to figure out, and new accessories to make the experience as good as possible. He is so independent these days, needing lots of alone time, lots of sleep, and then when those things are complete, he is happy to climb in my lap and cuddle. That is how our early mornings start; we cuddle on the couch for as long as he wants. The fire warms us, the dog joins us, there is no talking, just quiet time to be together. Today, we snuggled for about 30 minutes before Modern Warfare 3 called him away.....
The youngest man in the house is so different, and so wonderfully himself. I think that his expression of himself is so much more flowing because he has never been in public school, and the private K he was in didn't crush his spirit at all. It has been amazing to see how he just IS. He loves soccer, all things electronic, and although he is a gamer himself, it is just one of the many things he may choose to do in a day. Yesterday, he decided he wanted to get Skylander, so of course he is playing it like crazy, and has a friend over to play with him today. It is a funny Wii game with little figurines and a portal of power, well, I will not get into the details, but it is kind of cute.
Our Days
Having the ability to go out and run my own errands without the boys this year has been huge. I can feel that freedom flow out of me and into them, and we can all get our needs met so much more easily. I do do a lot of driving here and there. If each of the kids has one activity a day, then I am out dropping them off and picking them up for what seems a good chunk of the day. Yesterday, they each had TWO activities, so I REALLY was just running around without much to do myself except coordinate where I was suppose to be. My role as facilitator of interests has meshed into being the driver for all interesting activities. I am making peace with it, because it is good. What a cool thing to have the ability to go see friends, participate in soccer, practice lines for a play, do an all-day outdoor program or build robots with awesome robot loving dads. My rewards are subtle. A smile, a hug, a thank you, a happy skip out the door.
At the end of the day, we all relax and read a book together (Fablehaven series going on here right now). We recount the important events of the day, and fall asleep when each of us is good and ready. And for now, good and ready is pretty early, because the days are so full of interesting things, and tomorrow has good stuff in store as well.
This fall, the boys have really started to show their own interests independent of one another. I know, who would have thought they would ever be apart? But they are, for almost all of their activities now. My older son is interested in gaming, gymnastics, theatre (well, only because his best friend is there, but he enjoys it some), reading, and did I mention gaming? He decided a few months ago that an XBox was what he wanted, so there have been many new games, new technology to figure out, and new accessories to make the experience as good as possible. He is so independent these days, needing lots of alone time, lots of sleep, and then when those things are complete, he is happy to climb in my lap and cuddle. That is how our early mornings start; we cuddle on the couch for as long as he wants. The fire warms us, the dog joins us, there is no talking, just quiet time to be together. Today, we snuggled for about 30 minutes before Modern Warfare 3 called him away.....
The youngest man in the house is so different, and so wonderfully himself. I think that his expression of himself is so much more flowing because he has never been in public school, and the private K he was in didn't crush his spirit at all. It has been amazing to see how he just IS. He loves soccer, all things electronic, and although he is a gamer himself, it is just one of the many things he may choose to do in a day. Yesterday, he decided he wanted to get Skylander, so of course he is playing it like crazy, and has a friend over to play with him today. It is a funny Wii game with little figurines and a portal of power, well, I will not get into the details, but it is kind of cute.
Our Days
Having the ability to go out and run my own errands without the boys this year has been huge. I can feel that freedom flow out of me and into them, and we can all get our needs met so much more easily. I do do a lot of driving here and there. If each of the kids has one activity a day, then I am out dropping them off and picking them up for what seems a good chunk of the day. Yesterday, they each had TWO activities, so I REALLY was just running around without much to do myself except coordinate where I was suppose to be. My role as facilitator of interests has meshed into being the driver for all interesting activities. I am making peace with it, because it is good. What a cool thing to have the ability to go see friends, participate in soccer, practice lines for a play, do an all-day outdoor program or build robots with awesome robot loving dads. My rewards are subtle. A smile, a hug, a thank you, a happy skip out the door.
At the end of the day, we all relax and read a book together (Fablehaven series going on here right now). We recount the important events of the day, and fall asleep when each of us is good and ready. And for now, good and ready is pretty early, because the days are so full of interesting things, and tomorrow has good stuff in store as well.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Gluten-Free. Raw. Vegan
My diet has changed significantly over the past month. I would never have thought that I would consider a vegan diet. But here I am.
This is my new favorite snack. It is absolutely yummy. I have been stacking up on these so that when I get that afternoon craving for something sweet, I have one available.
Lunch. I tried this simple Apple Cucumber Salad yesterday and other than the onion breath, it was a hit. The recipe is from the Clean Program website. I love simple recipes that don't require exotic ingredients.
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| Apple Cucumber Salad 1 apple, cored and diced 1 small cucumber, peeled, chopped, seeds removed 1/2 small red onion 1 T apple cider vinegar sea salt Toss together and serve! |
We have almost daily conversations about health, choices, illness, and local food. I make them french toast with organic local bread, our own eggs, local organic milk and maple syrup from people we know. I buy organic pizza, cereal, ice cream sandwiches, yogurt and fruit. But they also love Pringles, Pizzaria Uno, Dominos, candy of all kinds and Sprite. They get all of these as well. I do my very best to deal with my food judgements as I am dealing with all the other judgements in my life, and that is to release them. Who knows better than me what I need to eat right now? Only me. And the children I spend my life with are in charge of their own food choices. When I head to the store, anyone can add any item to the list. Often, I am asked to pick up Canada Mints, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and maple candy. I put all of these treats out there right along with cantaloupe, strawberries, pretzels and leftover Halloween candy.
Do you have any vegan goodies you enjoy?
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Home After Yoga Teacher Training
YOGA
What a week! I spent 5 days enjoying the company of 22 other aspiring Anusara Yoga teachers, with Todd Norian and Ann Greene, as well as 5 fabulous assistants. Our days were packed full of information and asana, with little time to think about home or the outside world. By the time day 5 rolled in, I was sort of lost in it all. And exhausted, and full, and ready to come home to my family. It was quite a process to go through. As a stay-at-home homeschooling mama, I have a pretty relaxed and slow life. It is a good life, and one free of stress and schedules for the most part. To throw myself out into the world of schedule and all-day activity was a jolt. It took me two full days to recover.
I feel like myself this morning. It is a GORGEOUS autumn day here in VT. The temperatures are above normal, the sky is clear, the warm sunlight is pouring through my southern facing windows as I sit here and greet the day. Moments like this just cause me to pause and wonder how I could ever be anything but happy and grateful for where I live, what I have, and for the world in general. I am a nature lover, that is clear to me now more than it ever has been.
Eating Clean
Amazingly, I was pretty much able to stick to the CLEAN diet while at my yoga teacher training. I had most of my food with me for day 1, and by the end of day 1 I had located a juice and smoothie bar in town! I headed there every day to get a Smooth Talker smoothie (almond butter, coconut milk, banana, ice and probably something else I am not remembering). And then I had them make up my current favorite juice, carrot, apple and lemon, yum!! I may have to buy myself a juicer. I am resisting it, I do not like kitchen gadgets that take up space. I have also heard that they require a lot of cleaning, so I am certainly resistant to that!
I have also (amazingly) stayed away from coffee and alcohol. I did have half a cup of decaf coffee Monday morning, and while that first sip or two really tasted delicious and wonderful, I had also ordered myself a big fresh squeezed OJ, and that by far rocked my breakfast. Coffee was forgotten, went cold, and I declined a topping off.
And bread. I have stayed away from my beloved bread. I had a little sourdough yesterday, and it made me crave wine, which is really strange. Luckily I had a delicious hot tea all ready to go and that kept me out of the wine cabinet. I have cut my simple sugars and full-blown carbs down radically, I feel so much more even throughout the day. My afternoon snack was hummus, carrots, cucumber, and then I made a mix of almonds and dried cranberries. It filled me up and kept my mood even. I love that. I also found some delicious rice crackers that have all the crunch I crave. I dip them in hummus or guacamole. I am slowly replacing my old habits with new ones.
All this writing about food is making me hungry. Off to make my morning smoothie. I think it will be the Favorite Green Smoothie from the CLEAN website recipes: spinach, blueberries, flax oil, maca powder, spirulina, dates, almond milk.
Enjoy the day as it is.
Find beauty everywhere.
Hug your kids and don't let go before they do.
What a week! I spent 5 days enjoying the company of 22 other aspiring Anusara Yoga teachers, with Todd Norian and Ann Greene, as well as 5 fabulous assistants. Our days were packed full of information and asana, with little time to think about home or the outside world. By the time day 5 rolled in, I was sort of lost in it all. And exhausted, and full, and ready to come home to my family. It was quite a process to go through. As a stay-at-home homeschooling mama, I have a pretty relaxed and slow life. It is a good life, and one free of stress and schedules for the most part. To throw myself out into the world of schedule and all-day activity was a jolt. It took me two full days to recover.
I feel like myself this morning. It is a GORGEOUS autumn day here in VT. The temperatures are above normal, the sky is clear, the warm sunlight is pouring through my southern facing windows as I sit here and greet the day. Moments like this just cause me to pause and wonder how I could ever be anything but happy and grateful for where I live, what I have, and for the world in general. I am a nature lover, that is clear to me now more than it ever has been.
Eating Clean
Amazingly, I was pretty much able to stick to the CLEAN diet while at my yoga teacher training. I had most of my food with me for day 1, and by the end of day 1 I had located a juice and smoothie bar in town! I headed there every day to get a Smooth Talker smoothie (almond butter, coconut milk, banana, ice and probably something else I am not remembering). And then I had them make up my current favorite juice, carrot, apple and lemon, yum!! I may have to buy myself a juicer. I am resisting it, I do not like kitchen gadgets that take up space. I have also heard that they require a lot of cleaning, so I am certainly resistant to that!
I have also (amazingly) stayed away from coffee and alcohol. I did have half a cup of decaf coffee Monday morning, and while that first sip or two really tasted delicious and wonderful, I had also ordered myself a big fresh squeezed OJ, and that by far rocked my breakfast. Coffee was forgotten, went cold, and I declined a topping off.
And bread. I have stayed away from my beloved bread. I had a little sourdough yesterday, and it made me crave wine, which is really strange. Luckily I had a delicious hot tea all ready to go and that kept me out of the wine cabinet. I have cut my simple sugars and full-blown carbs down radically, I feel so much more even throughout the day. My afternoon snack was hummus, carrots, cucumber, and then I made a mix of almonds and dried cranberries. It filled me up and kept my mood even. I love that. I also found some delicious rice crackers that have all the crunch I crave. I dip them in hummus or guacamole. I am slowly replacing my old habits with new ones.
All this writing about food is making me hungry. Off to make my morning smoothie. I think it will be the Favorite Green Smoothie from the CLEAN website recipes: spinach, blueberries, flax oil, maca powder, spirulina, dates, almond milk.
Enjoy the day as it is.
Find beauty everywhere.
Hug your kids and don't let go before they do.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Halloween
It was a most lovely evening to send the kids out into the neighborhood to collect candy.
My older son, Minecraft Creeper to the right, and his friend, made their own costumes and were very proud of all the comments they got on them. I think the homemade part appealed to people who didn't even know what they were (which was pretty much every adult).
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| Minecraft |
My younger son, far left, ghoul with green bag, had a fantastic time with his merry band of candy seekers. They covered more ground than I thought they would, and the candy haul with substantial. I would guess that green bag weighed over 7 pounds when he got home. He said his arm hurt:-)
Despite the fact that much candy was collected, my younger son did not have even one piece all evening. When I said goodnight to him, he still had not eaten any of his candy. His older brother had maybe 5 pieces. My husband, well, that's another story.......
I had an idea on how to enjoy Halloween with the kids this year, despite the fact that they did not want us to follow them. My husband and I lugged the fire pit out into our driveway, set up chairs and a picnic table, and invited the adults to come enjoy the evening with us.
I had an idea on how to enjoy Halloween with the kids this year, despite the fact that they did not want us to follow them. My husband and I lugged the fire pit out into our driveway, set up chairs and a picnic table, and invited the adults to come enjoy the evening with us.
We all had a great time. The kids could easily check in with us, the adults stopped by and hung out, and we handed out candy by the fire. I think we will do this again next year. And we will keep the fire pit out front where we can be more social with it. I am imagining the snow falling while we gather around the fire pit and roast marshmallows.....
I hope you had a fantastic Halloween.
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