I cancelled my yoga class this afternoon. I am tired and a bit sore. It is frustrating. Healing is a strange beast.
Yesterday I woke up feeling great. Not exactly "my old self" but certainly up and ready to go. I made a showing at my usual Saturday morning yoga class, knowing I would have to modify many of the poses, but between being a Physical Therapist and being 2/3 done with my yoga teacher training, I figured I better know how to modify the poses. And I did. I realized about an hour into the class how tough I was being on my surgically altered body, so I spent the last half hour being careful to conserve my energy and drink some extra water. I could feel the swelling move into my chest, but I found it to be healing rather than alarming. I thought, "My blood is flowing! My damaged cells are being flushed out of the area, new cells are forming and scar tissue is being molded into straight bands, not jumbled knots of tightness!"
All of this is true. What is also true is my need to take an entire day off after doing one day of exercise. I have tried walks, outings with the kids, and now yoga. If I am out and about for any length of time, I then need the next day to recover After a day of full rest, I am ready to go again. So today is a day of rest.
The funny thing is, I KNOW this! For years, I have been telling my PT patients how healing is not linear; there are good days and not-so-good days, and as healing occurs, the good days begin to outnumber the not-so-good days, until finally you find yourself back doing the things you love. Setbacks happen ALL OF THE TIME, and TO EVERYONE! I also realize how frustrating it is to just sit and rest when sitting and resting isn't in your nature.
So breathe. That is all we can do when the path before us looks different from the one we thought we were heading out upon. This is MY path, and your path is YOUR OWN path. Own it, love it, embrace it, rest on it, run on it, scream on it and enjoy every tiny footstep on it, even the hard ones and the steps you would rather not take. Today I will breathe, rest, hydrate, sit in my sunroom and enjoy the sunshine. Tomorrow, well, you know the Robert Frost poem I am thinking of.